If I owned Naruto
by yinasuka
Summary: This is something that I came up with when I was bored about what I would do if I owned Naruto, hopefully it is funny because I tried to make it that way. Also there are hints of HinataXNaruto and Ten TenXNeji. Second Chapter made!
1. My rampage begins

If I owned Naruto

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto because if I did, well you are about to find out if you bother to read more. Also I don't own any songs or brand names I use, so you lawyers can get lost!

**Warning: This story is pop and sleep deprivation induced and is weird, hopefully funny, and super EVIL!**

If I owned the show Naruto, then every time Kisame (sp?) appeared on the screen the show would either play I'm Blue by Eiffel 65 or the theme for Jaws and Kisame would be wearing Captain Planet's costume. (I should say that I got those thoughts from a youtube movie that was one of the Ultimate Naruto Fanflashes by different people I think.)

Anyway, continuing my evil rampage of the show Naruto, I think I would make all of the sound ninjas call Itachi a girl and I would do this for two reasons (1. It would really tick off Itachi which would be hilarious to me. (I am so EVIL.) (2. Itachi would probably kill all the sound ninjas for calling him that which would be awesome because I hate the sound ninjas.

Now, I have to say what my top favorite thing is or the first thing I would do if I owned Naruto is I would make Orochimaru (sp?) say he was gay at the top of his lungs over and over again. (No offense to gay people or Orochimaru fans, but I really think he and Naraku (from Inuyasha) are both gay.) Also I would make him and Kabuto dance and sing Anything You Can Do and make Orochimaru sing the girl's part just because I think it would be funny.

Also I think I would have a character that was a ninja that loved cats, so she and Kiba would always be arguing about cats and dogs. (That is the only thing I can think of.)

Next, I would go back in time to Rock Lee's and Gaara's match and I would give Rock Lee a garden hose that is connected to the Atlantic Ocean so he could get Gaara's sand wet and turn it into mud so Gaara couldn't use his sand.(Once again, I would love to say that this idea is mine, but it isn't it is from some icon or picture I have seen.)

Next on my list is Gai and I would shave his eyebrows so they were smaller and I would cut his hair into a better hair cut and I would have Kakashi beat him in a match.

Now let's see here… (reads list) Ah ha! The next person on my list is Choji and what I would do is steal his potato chips and maybe sign him up for an exercise session at a gym just because it would tick him off.

Grr… so many people so little time. I think for Naruto and Hinata I would just make them go out with each other and I would beat up Hisashi (sp?) for being mean to Hinata.

I think I would have Ten Ten and Neji dating too because well…I think they make a good couple.

Okay… I can't think of anything else I would do except make Kakashi beat some sense into Sasuke so he won't leave to go to the evil idiot that is Orochimaru.

Oh! I just had a mean idea form in my head. I would have some person(I don't know who, but it sure as hell wouldn't be me.) and I would them walk up to Sasuke's fan club and say to them that Sasuke is ugly or something else that would tick the fan club off. That would be funny in my opinion.

The End

Author's note: Sorry that this probably sucked and that I wasted your time, but when I'm bored and pop induced hyper I write really weird things. Anyway please review or I will be forced to send the ANBU teams or squads after you and the dead souls of the spirit world. Anyway, please review!


	2. Evil Ideas

Evil Ideas

Asuka: Hahaha! I got such an evil idea!

Sasuke: Oh God! I think I'm actually scared to ask what idea you have now.

Asuka: (keeps laughing evilly)

Sasuke: I feel sorry for who ever you are about to torment.

Asuka: How do you know that it is not you I'm going to torment?

Sasuke: Great thanks for making me paranoid now.

Asuka: No problem that is what I write for.

Sasuke: Well, anyway I guess since you're busy being evil that I should tell everybody who is reading this that you **don't **own Naruto because if you did 95 of the characters would angry for your evilness.

Asuka: Oh well, and also I like to thank all my reviewers who enjoyed my evilness and wanted me to write more and that I'm sorry to any fans that I'm about to upset because once again I have been deprived of sleep.

On with my rampage again, let's see here. Hmm… oh here is the next name…Shino. Ah ha! I know the perfectly evil thing to do to him. I think that I would have Shino's jacket that he always wears covered in bug spray just because he would either have to get rid of his jacket or have his bugs die. (Sasuke: Man, this is why Orochimaru is crazy he probably never sleeps. Asuka hits Sasuke with a baseball bat. Sasuke: unconscious)

Ah! Another idea for my evil rampage has come to mind. (I got the idea from the Naruto fan fiction No Laws to Love by Ame no Megami.) I would have someone and once again I don't know who, but it sure as hell wouldn't be me and I would have them walk up to Kakashi while he is reading one of his favorite perverted books and light a match then light Kakashi's book on fire and then walk away after the book was completely burnt and was a pile of ash.

Next on my evil ideas list is…Gaara. Wait a minute! I thought I already made Gaara mad by having Rock Lee spray his sand with water from the Atlantic Ocean. Oh well, I have another thing I would do to Gaara if I owned Naruto. I would have someone and like I said before the person wouldn't be me and I would have them steal Gaara's eyeliner so the area around his eyes would be black any more and I would have them say "mine!" then have them run while laughing evilly or something else that is just as weird.

Okay next is… Kisame!! (sp?) Grr… why is my list repeating itself? Hold on a second, someone has been writing more names on my list by repeating the names!! NA-RU-TO!!! (Goes to the ramen shop where Naruto is and steals his ramen before he gets a chance to eat it and hits him on the head.) Anyway, I think I will add to my evil things that I would do to Kisame. I think I would give five dollars to Sasuke and make him go up to Kisame and use the fire ball justu (sp?) on Kisame. Then I would have another person and this person would not be me and while Kisame is on fire I would have them yell at the top of their lungs "FISH FRY."

Also I just thought of something. I think I would also give Gaara, Sasuke, and maybe Neji…maybe, the world's strongest anti-depressant for three reasons. (1. I want to know what would happen. (2. It would be hilarious to me. (3. Just because I could.

Now…Hmm, I guess that's all I have at the moment. (Searches through pocket and grabs a piece of paper.) Good thing I have reviewers who have their own evil ideas they like to add. So let's see here… Ah ha!

DemonarutoAngel says they will go up to Sasuke's fan club and say that Sasuke is an evil jerk that should burn in hell. (I'm glad they would do it because I wouldn't Sasuke's fan club can be scary when they're mad.)

Twilightlover05 says they would walk up to Sasuke's fan club and call Sasuke ugly, then walk off and that I should call them if I ever own Naruto. (If I ever own Naruto I'll call my reviewers of this story so they can help annoy the characters…but don't get your hopes up because I may never own Naruto. Oh well, maybe I can get it for Easter! ;) )

Arielrocks says…whoa, they have a list too! Sweet!! Okay. This is what they say I should do if I ever owned Naruto.

They say that I should tell Sakura that there are some really good places that can fix her thinning hair. (Sasuke: Man, who would ever have the guts to tell her that. Asuka: Shh…) I would have someone do that, but it wouldn't be me. I would also probably have someone, not me, tell her that she should rent that place she calls a forehead. I should tell you now that I have nothing against Sakura, but there is a girl in my class with a big forehead and sometimes my class makes fun of her for that, so I know a few mean forehead jokes.

Next on their list is…Shikamaru and they say I should sign him up for the same exercise class as Choji. I would do that and I think I would make Shikamaru solve a hundred Sudoku puzzles or a hundred rubix cubes since he is so smart.

Hold on a second I just had an idea. I think I would also write a letter to every member of Sasuke's fan club stating that he likes all of them and see what would happen. (Sasuke: YOU WOULD DO WHAT!!!!) Anyway, back to arielrocks's list.

They have Temari on their list next and they say I should "accidentally" take her fan and break it and then when she gets pissed tell her that Shikamaru did it. I would do that, but what I mean is I would have someone do it for me, there is no telling what Temari would be like if someone broke her fan. Also I have something else I think I would do. (Searches through pocket…again and pulls out a thing of eyeliner.) As long as people are being blamed I think I, or someone else that wants to do it, would either give Temari Gaara's eyeliner, which I got earlier if you read, and not tell her that it is his or put it in her obi when she isn't paying attention and then tell Gaara that I, or who ever is do this, that they saw Temari with his eyeliner.

Moving on, it looks like Kankuro is next on their list. They say I should take his scrolls and scribble all over them and then tell him that I just wanted to give him something "purty" to stick on his fridge. I would do this. That is funny and evil and that is what I stand for so that is something I would do and as long as I'm annoying Kankuro I think I would steal all of his make up so he couldn't wear it anymore for two reasons. (1. The way he wears his make up creeps me out and (2. It would make so mad that it would be funny.

Also I have one more thing I think I would do. I would take out all the sand in Gaara's gourd and replace it with either sake (sp?) or whiskey and tell him that I did it in case he got thirsty.

Well, that's all I can think of right now of what I would do if I owned Naruto. I hope you enjoyed my really random, hopefully funny, and evil story. Ja ne!

P.S. Thank you to sunshinelexi, DemonarutoAngel, twilightlover05, and arielrocks for reviewing my first chapter.

Please review or I will be forced to use my evil powers on you!

Beware!

Also I'm like Shikamaru and I was too lazy to spell check this, so this is a late warning.


End file.
